Written on Friday, March 10, 2000
Care for a chop?
They're made with real pork.
Not fake pork. Not near pork. Not perilously close to being pork.
Not any of those.
Sliced off of the little piggy.
The piggy, he was dead, so he didn't mind all that much.
Don't worry about him. He wanted it this way.
It was his destiny.
He knew where he was going.
He was going into sausages, sandwiches, bacon, compressed pork patties that look like ribs, hams, and yes indeedy, pork chops.
So take this pork chop.
You don't have to eat it.
It is one dimensional thinking to automatically presume that a pork chop is for eating.
They have many uses.
Personally, nothing says classy to me like going to someone's home and seeing that they are using a nice bloody pork chop as a coaster for their beer.
If you are very clever and talented with the paint, you can make a deck of cards out of pork chops.
You can also stitch together several and make a lovely coat for those cold winter days.
A pork chop makes an ideal baseball mitt if strapped on using a bit of twine.
It can also be used to comb down your hair to give that nice slicked down look. Be sure to carry a pork chop in your back pocket for this use. It is advisable never to share your hair chop with others.
Out of contraceptives? A strategically placed pork chop can do the job.
There are many uses for pork chops.
And you were thinking about eating it.
Shame on you.